Dear God what is that?

When I heard that McDonalds had wrapped a Big Mac in a tortilla I sharted my jammies. Cause I love to watch TV in my jammies, and that is where I recieve ALL my important fast food sandwich news. I couldn’t believe the gall MacD’s had to wrap that behemoth into a tortilla and call it a snack wrap. yikes. But I said “Kudos, McDonalds.. you win this round”. And I though that was the last I was to hear about that.. and then came the Double Down. KFC took the sandwich eating rulebook and slapped it on the fanny. They said “We will see your wrapping of the Big Mac, and raise you a sandwich with chickens for buns”. guh.

The slogan has something to do with running outta’ room for a bun. holy poop. This is insane, how can the American people stand for this? Then I remembered that KFC invented the sadness bowl.

Sadness Bowl

So this just seemed like the next evolutionary step in causing all fat people of the world to salivate uncontrollably. Two pieces of fried chicken will play the part of the buns in this tragedy, and nestled gently in between: bacon, cheese and KFC special sauce.glorp.

What intrigued me was how I had started thinking about it.. day and night, night and day.. okay, that’s an exaggeration. But I definitely wanted to try it. So I felt like to be fair to my McDonalds roots, I should eat both, a Mini Mac and a Double Down. My heart cursed me, my gut started spreading rumors about me. But I had to do it, so I could look my unborn child in the eye and say “Daddy has a problem”. So the fateful day came and I got more scared as the time approached, my sweat tasted salty, and I only wanted it more. I went to McDonalds first cause they have Diet Coke… I’ll pause for everyone to laugh at me ordering a diet coke..tee hee.. got it all out? good.. I ordered the Mini Mac and on my way across town to Double down I ate my mini mac.

The Mini Mac is much smaller then a Big Mac, but with all the same ingredients. It was not bad, tasted like a Big Mac but sorrounded by my favorite Mexican invention, the tortilla. It did leave an aftertaste in my mouth.. but on a whole, I give the Mini Mac: 1 man boob out of a possible 2.. But really I was starting to worry about what was in store for the gut.

Scene of the crime

Look at that thing.. What the eff? I am a big time junk food monster and this thing sends a deep fried shiver down my spine. Notice the paper sleeve which you use to eat it..No bun people, get it? I will not bore you with my over description of this Hindenburg of a sandwich.. needless to say I couldn’t finish it. The chicken was HUGE, each piece was ree-donkulous. The secret sauce was a hot paste of mayo like goop. It tasted like salt meat. I think at one point i cried.. I give it NO MAN BOOBS. it gets a pig heart valve cause that’s what I am going to need after eating two thirds of this thing. I know all my geek friends out there want to try this.. its like a man ritual. But if anyone you know, friend or enemy gets hooked on these, pray for them.

thanks for reading.

UG